Eternal rest to Lola Minda

My grandma on my paternal side died last Friday, May 17, 2013. Habang nalelate ako at nagmamadali sa pagpasok sa trabaho, nagkakagulo at tumatawag at nagtetext naman ang pamilya ko from Pinas.

My lola and I, we’re not really close. I lived with her during my younger years, when I was a baby till I was in first grade but we were never really fond of each other. I was a stubborn kid who never listened to her and she was a strict and an unfair grandma for me. Growing up, we didn’t really get along. I remember she would beat us up everytime we made mistakes, or if her favorite grandchild got wounded she blamed it on us.
This post is not meant to destroy her or get back at her but just to define the kind of relationship we had. I’ve had a pretty rough childhood growing up with her but likewise, I know I was such a pain in the butt for her. Now that she’s gone, I reflected on things. That no matter what she’s done to me or to my kuya, that no matter how she treated us, she still is my lola. And that deep down, even a little, she loved us. She loved me. I think for the past years she’s trying to reach out. Everytime I introduce my boyfriend to them, she always tell them to take care of me, and to love me because they (my family) does not want to see me cry.

I’ve reflected that because of her, of what she has done to me or my family, has taught us (or me) to become a strong individual.

Lola Minda (I know you want to be called “Mamita” because you said it sounds “cool” haha..but since I’m your stubborn apo, I still call you lola), rest now. You’ve done what you can. You’ve endured what you can. You’ve served your purpose. It’s now time for you to rest and be with your man, Lolo Rad, and your youngest son, Ninong Bombing. We’ll miss you, Lola. I guess the best gift, if you may call it, that you’ve left behind is us your apos..my cousins.. Thank you for them because I have little brothers and sisters. Thank you for coining the word “chichi” for that’s what we call each other now. It becomes our term of endearment. :) See, you’ve left things for me to love. :)

P.S.
Please say hi to ninong for me and give him a kiss and hug from me. I miss him so much.

Love, your matigas-na-ulong-apo,
Jhalene :)

The Week that Passed

Last week was one of the most tiring weeks of my life. I was so tired both personal and work-wise, and physically and emotionally. I was so exhausted that it felt like my feet were about to fall off my body. Serioulsy, I could feel my heels aching with every step. It was just nonstop walking and running.

See, there is pros and cons of being a leader. I can tell people what to do. I can direct them on how, what and when it should be done. I enjoy that, actually.

But the cons? People question you. Why you’re doing this to them? Why this person does this and not her? Why she’s doing more?

If I tell them something that needs to be done and they don’t do it and I follow up on it, they think I’m so bossy and I’m always up their a*s. Really? They don’t realize that I do not want to follow up on them. That I’d rather do other things than to hover around them and watch them do things properly. Then, they’ll give me an attitude and tell on our bosses that I’m too much. Then, If things didn’t go smoothly because of what they did, I get in trouble ir they’ll say it’s my fault because I didn’t anticipate it. Again, really? Seriously? Hah.

If something goes wrong, they come to me for a solution which is okay but the problem is they expect me to solve everything. They expect that I have an answer to everything. To tell you the truth, I wish I have. Lol (I have to use “they” so it is not pertaining to only one person. Lol)

And when you go home, you still have to deal with your own problems. Last week has been hard for me and E, too. It was his birthday so we were both emotional that we couldn’t celebrate it together like last year. The longingness, and frustrations with the prolonged process of his papers added to the stress.

Between my issues at work and my personal problems, last week I just wanted to breakdown. But thank God for sleep and weekend, I held it together. Lol

Exactly a year ago, I took this picture of Eric on his birthday just before we took off for Batanes, his dream destination. This was one of the happiest I’ve seen him and so glad I was able to see it myself. this picture has been my favorite of him. :) I may not be there this year to celebrate your birthday with you and this hurts us both, but there are a lot more reasons to be happy. I love you so much. Happy birthday, my piranha. Be happy. And I hope this would be the last year we will spend your birthday apart. :)

It just breaks my heart not to celebrate it with you and see you sad because I couldn’t come home.

When sadness hits me

When I go home after a long day, I wish you’re by my side to give me foot massage.

When i have a bad day, I wish you’re here so I can vent out all my rants to you.

Sometimes I feel down, I wish you’re here to hug me.

When I go eat out, I wish you’re with me to try and experience those foods with me.

On my days off, I wish you’re here with me so we can go on a date or even on a regular days after work.

When something funny happens at work, I wish you’re here so I can share it with you and make you smile with my story.

When I’m not feeling well, like right now, I wish you’re here to take care of me.

On holidays or long weekends, I wish you’re here so we can travel together.

I wish you’re here so you can tell me all about your day after your coverage.

I wish you’re here so we can talk about your plans with your career.

I wish you’re here so I can tell you how proud I am of your work and how wonderful your works are.

I wish you’re here so I can cook for you. And you get to taste what I cook or bake.

I wish you’re here so you can tell me all about your dreams and how you’re going to achieve them.

I wish you’re here so I can bite you when your jokes are korny.

I wish you’re here so we can kiss and make up after a fight or argument.

I wish you’re here so I can be the first person you’ll tell every problems, failures, achievements, or anything that happened to you.

I wish you’re here so we can share each milestone with each other.

I wish you’re here so we can celebrate every occasions together.

I wish you’re here so I don’t have to type this out.

I just wish you’re here with me. Life will probably be better with you beside me.

I miss you so much.

This is how my March 23rd went:

I woke up at 6:50 am to get ready for work on a saturday. I don’t actually have work on saturday but we’re having staff in-service and I am one of the facilitators. -.-

At 7:53 am, I arrived at the center. Surprised! Surprised! It was only me and my 3 other co-workers plus 3 sales reps were there! Even K was late! Lol hooray for that! -.-

At 08:10 am, the in-service started. But since those sales reps have a time frame, my room was designated as the last stop. I didn’t start till 10 am. Haha so yea, I kept talking to one of my friends till they were ready for me.

At almost 11 am, the staff were pulled out again for the last rep. So yea, I was left alone again. Lol

11:46 am, we left the center.

Vep and I planned to roam around manhattan again. At 12 nn, I was at our meeting place. I walked around for an hour. By 1 pm, Vep finally arrived.

We ate ate my favorite Korean restaurant. We bought bread and other pastries in one of the korean bakeshop, then stayed there for a while.

At 3 pm, we decided to watch a movie at night but first we went to World Trade Center memorial to see the “falls”.

At 5:45, we got our ticket for Oz The Great and Powerful 06:05 pm showing.

At 8:30, Vep and I were on our way to Trader Joe’s to buy some ice creams and what-nots.

At around 9pm, we were in Japadog for our dinner and kwentuhan.

By 10:30 pm we’re already in the train on our way home. I don’t care what people say about subways, but I love them!!

From 11 pm to 2 am of March 24th, I was chatting on facebook then eventually talked on viber with E. Nothing is more wonderful than when we share our lives with each other.

Today is very tiring! My feet are killing me. My back is torturing me. But I had fun today. I enjoyed spending time with Vep. I enjoyed my talks with ding. :)

Thank God for this. :)